Category Personal Journey

Our Open Adoption Story: Fifteen Years in the Making

Jourdan Hathaway Leave a comment

A Story of Love, Connection, and the Family We Built Together

I’m Jourdan Hathaway, and for fifteen years I have borne witness to a story with my husband Cam that began with a single promise. A promise to a young woman, Autumn Wright, who entrusted us with her daughter—and her one important request: to stay connected. This week, the NBC TODAY Show shared our open adoption journey with the world. It’s a story fifteen years in the making—one of courage, vulnerability, and the extraordinary power of love that transcends biology.

Read our open adoption story on NBC TODAY!

Two Babies, Five Months Apart

In 2010, our lives changed forever. Within five months, I became the mother of two beautiful children—one through adoption, one through birth. Madeline and Keller are just five months apart, bonded by laughter, sibling rivalry, the same milestones—and a deep connection that only love, not circumstance, can create. From the beginning our family defied convention. Not because we set out knowing what to expect with open adoption—but because our path was simply what felt right each step of the way. Our story has never been about how our children entered our lives, but how love wove us together into something bigger than we could have imagined (and not just for the children, but for everyone involved).

A Documentary of the Heart

Just two years into Madeline’s life, we felt compelled to tell our story publicly. We produced a short documentary—“Our Open Adoption Documentary” (see the full archive here) —because we wanted to show that open adoption can be built on trust, empathy, and shared humanity. I journaled every step of the way—every email, every phone call, every surge of hope, every moment of uncertainty—because I wanted Maddie, Keller, and the birth family to one day to read through the archives and understand not only the decisions that brought them into this world, but the love that carried them through it. That journaling, those first-emails and every communication exchange from the beginning, became a treasure throve when we revisited them for the NBC TODAY article as we got to relive our beginnings.

Life Imitating Art

I’ll never forget our very first meeting with Autumn and Jay. In that first hug and hello, Autumn handed us a DVD—a lifetime movie, 16 and Pregnant. She wanted us to watch it, to see her story reflected in someone else’s, to understand her desire to stay in Madeline’s life. This small gesture was profoundly human—it was her way of saying, “See me. See what this feels like.” We watched it. We saw her. And we made a promise that day, in the quiet of our hearts and the steady clasp of our hands: we would live this differently. We would stay connected. We would build a family bigger than biology alone.

Fifteen years later, that promise has become our shared legacy. The TODAY feature shows our story on national stage—a story of art imitating life, and life coming full circle to inspire art again. What began as an act of trust has blossomed into something far greater: a beautiful, blended family created through love. It has always been our dream to inspire others by living as an example of what’s possible when we lead with compassion and openness.

A Blended Family, Beautifully So

Our family spans many branches: Madeline’s brother Keller here with us; from Autumn’s side two brothers—Logan and Hudson—who adore her; from her birth father’s side another brother named Grayson. At the end of the day, we’re just a blended family—imperfect, resilient, bound by something deeper than DNA. We laugh together, argue over who gets the last cookie, celebrate milestones together—and we do it all knowing our “how” is not traditional, but it is intentional.

Inspiring What’s Possible

We share our story not because we’ve arrived. We share it because we’re still on the journey—and we believe in the power of our story to light the way for others. Through open adoption, through biological parenting, through blended families—we hope to show what’s possible when you lead with trust. When you document the journey. When you honour both grief and gratitude. When you say yes to a story that asks more of you than you thought you had to give.

I’ve often reflected in my journals, in scenes of tension and triumph alike, that story matters. The arts matter. Storytelling matters. Because for Autumn, that DVD she handed us—16 and Pregnant—was a threshold into being seen. And for us, sharing everything from that first email to this TODAY feature is our way of lighting a torch for others to contemplate.

Full Circle

Our journey reminds me that sometimes art imitates life. But the truest art (the kind that changes people) comes from real life unfolding in all its messy, magnificent beauty. Maybe someday someone will make a movie about us. But honestly, the best part of our story is the one we’re still writing: every laugh in the carpool, every sibling scuffle, every holiday we celebrate, every moment of connection we choose instead of defaulting to distance.

And if you’re reading this, if you’re considering adoption, open adoption, step-family, blended family, let our story be one of possibility. That in love’s economy, there is no scarcity. That in openness, there is freedom. And that in being seen, truly seen, there is the power to heal and to build.

Read our open adoption story on NBC TODAY!

A Symphony of Memory: Ludovico Einaudi and The Summer Portraits Tour

Jourdan Hathaway Leave a comment

I have lived. I have loved.
I have listened to Ludovico live at the Royal Albert Hall in London.

I left my body and became the very fabric of music itself.
Space and time collapsed, replaced by the transcendent fluidity of I Giorni.
Breath left my lungs to become the fog of ethereal amber light
that bathed the musicians on that historic stage.

I felt every emotion the human heart can hold—
and then, the heavens loaned me a few more for the length of his compositions.

Una Mattina reconstituted my breath just enough
to give my tears a flowing companion.

I clutched my daughter’s hand on the right,
my husband’s on the left,
and my son looked on as the final song—
a newly arranged Experience—brought the house down.

Oh dear universe, I ask only one favor:
Do not ever let me forget how I felt tonight.
I beg of you.

Catharsis on the Highway and the Power of Music

Jourdan Hathaway 1 Comment

Music is one of the most essential parts of the human experience…a universal language that transcends words and borders. You certainly do not have to speak French to fall in love with “La Vie en Rose”. Music has existed for nearly as long as humans have, evolving from simple rhythms into infinitely complex compositions, yet always serving the same purpose: to give voice to what we feel, even when we can’t express it ourselves.

Music is there for us in moments of joy, triumph, heartbreak, nostalgia, hope, rage, and every emotion in between. It can comfort, energize, inspire, or heal (sometimes all at once). That’s why choosing a single favorite song, or even a top five, feels almost impossible. The beauty of music is that it meets us exactly where we are—what speaks to you in one moment might shift entirely with your mood, your season of life, or the memories tied to a particular melody. It’s a constant companion, endlessly adaptable, and deeply personal—a soundtrack to the human soul.

Car singing is its own kind of magic: windows down, volume up, belting out your favorite songs even if you can’t sing AT ALL. Whether it’s a solo moment of catharsis on the highway (De La Soul, “Me Myself and I“ style) or an impromptu car concert with friends and family, there’s something beautifully liberating about turning your vehicle into a stage. These shared soundtracks become memories – road trips scored by your favorite hits, passenger harmonies, or off-key (but full-heart) choruses that somehow make the song even better…and most certainly the drive.

To quote Fiona Apple, “nothing wrong when a song ends in a minor key”—sometimes that’s where your soul idles as well.

Until of course you rebound to your George Gershwin moment. “I got rhythm, I got music. Who could ask for anything more?”

My Personal Story of Economic Mobility

Jourdan Hathaway Leave a comment

It’s Thanksgiving 2024, so naturally a lot of thoughts of gratitude and reflection.

The Shopping Cart on the Left – Economic Mobility and My Starting Line

See the shopping cart on the left? That’s my brother and me. Why are there pillows and blankets in the cart? Well, that’s where we slept (we didn’t have a crib or bed). Why is this shopping cart outside in the front yard of a house? Well, we grew up without electricity and it’s unbearably hot without AC or fans in Florida so we napped in a well-intentioned permanently borrowed (ok stolen) cart outside. This is what poverty looks like – well, my childhood poverty anyway.

The Shopping Cart on the Right

Now look at the shopping cart on the right – taken today. Yes yes, we all love Buc-ee’s, but this is not about that. Sometimes when I push a cart, I think of when it used to be my bed and how different my life is now. I’m so grateful that I’m able to grab as much roadtrip snacks as my family can consume (except for the kid who chose to eat hard boiled eggs in the car, what the…). We are on the way to Thanksgiving with a stop in gorgeous historic Savannah at a hotel (hotel with an h, not an m).

This is economic mobility. It refers to people’s ability to improve their economic status over the course of their lifetime.

Of course I would not have called it that growing up – I just knew I wanted a safe and better life – to get out of the poverty and chaos I was born into. I achieved it though education, continuous learning, skilling up, great employers, and scores of teachers / mentors / coaches (who mean everything to my professional career). I am also relentlessly DRIVEN.

I share this not for sympathy or adulation; I deserve neither. I share this because I am so grateful to the individuals and institutions that power economic mobility. It deeply matters. Now my greatest satisfaction is helping others in their pursuit of betterment.

A drive not just to get by, but to build something better.

That experience carved something fundamental in me: a drive not just to get by, but to build something better. Over time, I realized that the journey wasn’t simply about escaping poverty, but about leaning into the idea that education, continuous learning and the right mentors could change the trajectory. As a leader today, that awakening shows up in two ways:

  • First, I bring a deep empathy for people who start from a less-advantaged place—because I’ve lived it. That shapes how I lead, how I form teams, and how I create opportunity.
  • Second, I lean into the mission of democratizing access—to skill-building, to meaningful work, to leadership—because I know what it feels like on the other side of the cart. That purpose anchors many of the decisions I make.

In short: recognizing this wasn’t just my story, but my springboard, transformed how I see leadership, not as a title or a destination, but as the capacity to pull others up alongside you.

It’s why it’s real natural for me to feel connected to the mission of General Assembly and all the work we do with governments, nonprofits, universities, and companies investing in people. I’m drawn to others who share this purpose.

  • To all you mentors out there, we need you. Keep opening doors for others.
  • To those trying to make their life better, you got this. Don’t give up.
  • To all my education and workforce industry peers, what a great mission we serve. Believe me, I know.

I am Jourdan @ 45 Years Old

Jourdan Hathaway Leave a comment

11 is my lucky number. That was determined the day I was born on November 11th (11/11). I like to take stock of who I am each year, particularly on milestone birthdays – ya know, the ones that end with a 0 or 5. So this is me, Jourdan Hathaway, at 45 years old.

They say to dance like no one is watching.

Well I dance regardless if anyone is watching.

The soundtrack to my life spans the unbridled spectrum of experience, emotions, and human capacity.

And so I sing like no one is listening, badly, but with good company.

At 45 years old, I have grown more than simply comfortable with myself.

I have come to treasure who I am, understand who I’ve been, and contemplate who I am yet to become.

I put in the work – physically and mentally.

I am driven and push myself through resilience.

And I show up at work with an insatiable drive for impact.

I am Jourdan @ 45.

The 3rd Grade Teacher Who Changed My Trajectory

Jourdan Hathaway 2 Comments

Come on in, The water’s fine. I’ll give you Till I count to nine. If you’re not In by then, Guess I’ll have to Count to ten.

I memorized this poem that sits on page 1 of a 📚 book I received in 1988 from my 3rd grade teacher Mrs. Palovich. In less than 30 minutes, I had this new treasure of a poem etched in my 🧠 brain. This book has traveled with me to every new 🏠 home since 3rd grade. Somewhere along the way, a frenetic puppy named Wendy chewed the cover right off (still very MAD at you 🐕 Wendy, RIP). The Random House Treasury of Best-Loved Poems is the name of this book.

Anyone Want to Battle Verse The Raven?

The 2nd poem I memorized from this book is The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe (doesn’t every 3rd grader know that one?) If anyone wants to have a 💀 goth moment with me, we can battle verse the Raven (so weird, no takers….)

Back to the book: you can see the inscription here – “Keep reading and writing Jourdan. You have a gift. Sincerely, Mrs. Palovich”. She was the first person I remember encouraging me, believing in me, and spotting my gift for writing and storytelling.

She Made Me Believe

Teachers often know the traumatic backstory😿 of the kids in their classroom. She made me believe that I did not have to be a sad statistic; that I could instead escape, break the cycle, and become something great 💪 . She somehow knew at that very young age that 📖 storytelling would play a big role in that for me. She was right. It’s served me well not only in my marketing career, but in so many other domains in my life as well (like being able to write compelling scholarship letters or adoption bios that led to being chosen by a birth family). Almost everything in my life points back to words and the ability to frame concepts.

In today’s kick off of #TeacherAppreciationWeek, I am thinking of you Mrs. Palovich 👩‍🏫 and all the other teachers just like you who changed the trajectory of their students’ lives. While you are long gone, this book of treasures, and what it stands for, lives on 🌷 .

Speeding? Cruising? Something in between? A career oscillates at a lot of different velocities – they all have important lessons along the way.

Jourdan Hathaway 1 Comment

There are chapters in your career journey that feel like you’re at warp speed, careening around the bend hoping that you’re on the right track. The adrenaline and nerves of learning how to do new things, tackle business challenges, and solve customer needs require a lot of trips around the track and taking adequate pit stops (making the right adjustments or even changing drivers if you need to #upskilling#reskilling ). You might have an occasional spin out and drift – it’s ok. I’ve had that both figuratively and literally. This top photo is the time I let some industry friends talk me into a drifting ride-along during a once-in-a-lifetime experience at a conference years ago. I met people there that I still connect with today – building your network is so important.

Confidently Cruising

There are also chapters in your career where you’ll feel like you are confidently cruising. That you’ve hit your stride – you’ve done enough trips around a particular track that you know just what to do. You don’t come off as trying to sell anything because you now talk about the obvious path forward with contagious ease. Enjoy those seasons; a change in macro-economic conditions or customer preference is coming for ya 🙂 Your cruise will be short-lived; and if it’s not, you’re probably bored.

Your Mindset and Who You’re Hanging With

It’s been 25 years since my first internship from where I’m at today. Some of my biggest learns are that it’s your mindset, and who you’re caravanning with along the way, that will make the biggest difference in your career journey.

Are you anxiously careening around the bend at warp speed right now wondering if you’re on the right track? Find someone who has been there, done that, and let them help guide/support you.

Have you confidently hit your stride and are cruising? Maybe you are just the someone to help guide/support 🙂

Nostalgic 1950’s Family Life – The Hathaways Take You Back a Simpler Time

Jourdan Hathaway Leave a comment

The Hathaways invite you to enjoy this dreamlike sequence of a simpler time. Step inside the nostalgia of 1950’s family life. It is indeed those simple little ordinary things that imprint your heart with tender joy.

Remembering when…

…when an RSS feed meant Rise, Shine & Smile for breakfast
…when ‘face time’ happened around the table
…when a ‘like’ was a compliment paid in person
…when’ lol’ was truly laughing out loud
…when a ‘social share’ was when you split a coca cola
…when work and home rarely intersected
…when we pledged allegiance to more than 15 minutes of fame
…let us all remember that our simple moments will end up being our most treasured

“Remembering When” playfully relies on words that haven’t changed, but whose meaning has transformed in the wake of a new generation. The imagery draws upon the nostalgic (and very real) memories indelibly stitched in our childhood DNA. It’s the delectable Thanksgiving dinner smells permeating grandma Margaret’s house, the creative Halloween costumes hand made for Cam by Nana Penny, the green pancakes Christmas morning with papa Chuck, learning to ride a bike with Paw Paw Jerry, Nanny’s cookies that simply can’t be duplicated, arts and crafts projects with grandma Charlotte – and then there’s the Coca Cola legacy. Cam’s grandpa dedicated his entire life to working at the plant. Coca Cola wasn’t just a kitsch brand, it was a way a life. This is something our friend Ray has dedicated his collection to proving, so his home became the backdrop of our video.

It all started with a pink cherry apron

It started with a single point of inspiration: a pink cherry apron handmade by my neighbor for Madeline and me. From the moment I unwrapped the mommy / daughter cooking treasure, my mind was transfixed on old Betty Crocker ads. I had visions of the tender moments of a simpler time. Then there was the dress: Modcloth’s Comedy Hour Dress in Solid Red. I came across this stunning vintage dress and the concept unfolded.

Anyone who knows me has come to witness my love of written articulation of concepts that capture a slice of life; anyone who knows my husband has come to witness his relentless pursuit of visual elegance. So, when a writer marries a designer – this is what happens. Simple family photos take on a life of their own! (you should have seen our wedding 101 guide)

The concept

The concept is about re-framing our sometimes impersonal, technology-driven, family-fragmented, overworked lives and simplifying it down with a visual antithesis from days long gone. The irony is that Cam and I met online, both work in technology and my career aspirations are executive leadership.

I’ve been stuck in a paradox since the day I was born; I listen to Jazz, my favorite show is Bewitched and I adore device-free Sunday dinners. Come Monday morning, I want back in the conference room and thrive under tough business challenges. None of that takes away from the quest to slow down – even if it’s only for a photo shoot.

The talent behind it all

We’d like to sincerely thank the following folks for bringing this vision to life. Our industry is filled with extraordinary talent.

Featured

Our Open Adoption Documentary

Jourdan Hathaway 2 Comments

For the benefit of our daughter, the birth parents, and our entire family, we have been chronically our story all along the way. We’ve captured our remarkable journey through photos, videos and blogs – beginning with our first miscarriage, the next 6 that followed, and all the way through forging a relationship with a teenage couple considering adoption and the 14 years that have since past. If you have 15 to spare, we invite you to catch a glimpse into where it all began….

Documentary Overview

A heart-warming story of two families who opened their hearts to one another and the precious little girl who continues to melt everyone’s heart all along the way.

A Perfect Plan

This story is a celebration of little miss Madeline Brooke who was adopted and the uniquely loving way in which she is being raised. It recounts two families who unknowingly, but desperately, needed one another and how the universe created a perfectly-unperfect plan together for all those involved. ‘Perfect’ in this sense does not mean without hardship, heartache or grief – but it does mean the way in which hindsight eloquently articulates that something bigger than yourself is at work. It’s the kind of perfection that comes along with the messiness of life – when you can look at your deepest, darkest seasons of hurt and sorrow and genuinely feel that you’d endure it infinitely over again to wind up at the exact same outcome – because on the other side, one bear hug from a child is indeed all the perfection you need in life.

It is in no way a stance on the ‘right way’ to do things. After all, ask any parent if they have found the foremost expert on the single right way to parent and you’ll find no two answers alike. Every child is different. Every family dynamic is different. Every circumstance is different. This shared testimonial is simply ‘our story’…and what a story it is.

At the time of video production, Madeline is about one and half years old. She has a brother who is also one. {More on that in the video!}. None of us know what the future has in store for us – but neither does any family. All we know is where we’ve been and what we have today.

So what was the catalyst for doing this documentary (other than being giddy and parents and wanting to brag about the cutest kids on the planet)? Well, we (the adoptive parents) tell our story all the time as does the birth parents. We have scrapbooks, blogs and all sorts of storytelling tools. But there was something that sparked a beaming pride that just couldn’t be ignored. At one of early adoption visitation outing, our birth-mom told us about her senior class project. She decided to take up teen pregnancy adoption education whereby she speaks to other pregnant girls who are faced with an excruciating circumstance. We couldn’t believe her maturity and compassion for others. Here we all were, side-by-side, watching Maddie and her brother giggle ferociously as they navigated the water spikets in a community park. The birth-dad was picking up Maddie’s pink sippie cup for the millionth time off the floor, the birth-mom was telling us about her college plans and senior project and my husband and I were taking video to capture the beauty of life’s messiness. We couldn’t help but have immense gratitude. Did any of us think we’d be strong enough to do this? Did any of us think it was even possible? There’s a pair of baby blue eyes –  that with one look – will indeed show you that the impossible is possible….

We hope you enjoy our story!

Production Credit

A big shot out to the incredibly talented team at Reel 9 Studios for capturing our story. It was filmed on 2 Sony Z1U cameras and edited on Avid MC by Caleb Mixon, CEO. He was amazing to work with and we highly recommend him!

If you are interested in our story, or would like to learn more about our documented footage, feel free to contact me. We hope that our story inspires others to the blessing of adoption. What once felt so unfamiliar is now the very core of our lives.

Have You Ever?

Jourdan Hathaway Leave a comment

Have you ever heard the story about a friend of a friend who knew someone that got pregnant after they adopted? It seems like any time people choose to adopt a baby, it elicits this conditional response of, “watch, I bet you’ll get pregnant now”. Statistically speaking, only 5% of adoptive parents actually go on to have a biological child. This is a very small percentage; and chances are, it will not in fact happen to the person you are chatting up about it.

Well now, here comes the crazy part. Drum roll please. It would appear that Cam and I are in that 5%. That’s right, we are pregnant! Insert, “I told you so’s” here. We are actually 6 months along with a little boy due October 20th. We waited until nearly the end to share the news and we are happy to report that we’ve passed all of our prenatal testing with flying colors! (However, please keep the prayers coming as we still have a long road ahead.)

Just to recap:

  • This is our 6th pregnancy in 3 years.
  • Our children will be just over 6 months apart.
  • Last Thanksgiving, we were grieving the loss of our 5th child. One year later, we are celebrating the holidays with not ONE, but TWO babies.

We haven’t really moved past the shock or figuring out the logistics of raising two babies just a few months apart. Can you take two maternity leaves in a year? Will we ever sleep again? Do we need a minivan? Honestly, we are perfectly content basking in the possibility of having two children and have faith that the rest will fall into place. It’s the family blessing that we’ve always envisioned for ourselves.

Life is such an unexpected roller coaster. We wouldn’t change our situation for anything, though never could have imagined it unfolding this way (nor though we were strong enough to endure it). Clearly the universe wanted us to be part of Autumn and Jay’s lives and we are actually thankful our losses brought us to them so we could have Madeline Brooke. We feel so incredibly blessed that we can experience adoption and childbirth. Even more miraculous is that our children can forever be a testament to God’s power and they will grow up learning that families are made in many ways.

So go on, keep telling that story about these people you knew who adopted a baby and then got pregnant. Only now, it won’t be a friend of a friend who knew someone….it’s people you know firsthand!

If anyone would like to contact Lifetime so they can start on the script of our movie, we give you the green light!

The Hathaways

Our open adoption story

Jourdan Hathaway

Blessing of Adoption

This is our story about recurrent pregnancy loss and how adoption provided the hope to fulfill the role we were always meant to be: that of mommy and daddy.

Off To A Great Start

We were married on June 2, 2007 after a blissful 3-year courtship. We waited until everything was “just right”. During our engagement, we saved up the money for our wedding and perfect honeymoon, as to not go into debt. We bought the picture perfect suburban 3/2 house in what I like to call, a “trick-or-treat friendly” neighborhood. We were at the height of our careers, me a director of an advertising agency and my husband a sr. designer in the marketing firm of a very family-friendly hospital.

Following our honeymoon return, it was time to start the family we’ve always longed for. I prepared my body for a baby and we prepared our home for the impending arrival. The only area of concern was what bedding we would choose for the nursery – living in an ignorant bliss that would all-to-soon be shattered.

Fast Forward 2.5 Year

On Father’s Day 2009, I delivered our 20 week old daughter who died in my arms moments later. She was seemingly perfect. 10 little toes to kiss; 10 little fingers to hold. During the amnio, there were no chromosome issues. However, she had Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, one of the most rare congenital heart defects out there. There is no family member on either side with anything remotely like this.

Unfortunately, this was not the first time this happened to us. In total, we have lost 5 children; all of them have been for vastly different reasons; all of them are now angels in heaven. All the doctors kept saying “really bad luck” for the first few times. After our third, our doctors told us to just try again. Surely it wouldn’t happen for the 4th or 5th time. But, it could. And, it did. We fell into a very frustrating category of “unexplained infertility”. More rare, is that we have successfully conceived 5 times in a row, and even made it past the dreaded first trimester, with no known medical basis for their losses.

Two Sides Of The Fertility Coin

In an even more humbling experience, I had been to the same doctors more than half a decade ago on the other side of the fertility coin, so to speak. You see, I was an egg donor in college. Not once, not twice, but four times. Yes, four times I gave my eggs to other women in my very same situation; and, ironically, five times I have lost my own baby. I once received a hand written letter from one of the recipients who had ovarian cancer. It was touching to see the hope I gave her. Unfortunately, I now understand her broken heart in ways that I could have never imagined. Never in a million years did I see myself on the other end. Here I am with the same doctors, asking the same questions that those families had. Why me? Why can’t we fix it. I was only in my 20’s.

Opening Our Heart & Mind

Sometimes life has an unconventional way of reaching you and teaching you. Truth be told, adoption was not in our everyday vernacular. But, a strange thing happened: God intervened in a most overt sort of way.

  • Our first introduction was from a fellow church member that we were introduced to. She had also endured several late term losses and reached out to us. Her own ironic circumstance was that she worked for a Christian adoption agency while the losses occurred. She gave me words of encouragement and strength. Adoption began to build in our mind.
  • Not soon after my third loss, my advertising agency took on a new client: CBC of Seminole County. I was tasked with developing a long format video to be used as an education tool for foster care, adoption and independent living services. Imagine my initial surprise at the subject matter. Part of my research was meeting with a birth mother to learn about the process. This is when I saw a third side of the fertility coin, so to speak. It is the most selfless thing a mother can do and I will never forget when I learned about the unconditional love and courage required to place your child up for adoption and what it truly means for those waiting on the other side. Adoption began to build in our hearts.
  • Then, after my delivering my fourth child, my husband and I underwent extensive genetic testing with a world-renown geneticist in California. He told me about his two adoptive children that are the center of his universe. I hung on his every word. Adoption became our source of hope and strength.
  • In the most gripping situation, my dear friend who was pregnant along side me after 2 consecutive still births lost her third child only 6 days after we lost our baby. Marking her third loss, she decided to give her son the sibling she longed for via adoption. She joined with A Chosen Child and then shared with me the joy in her home and heart knowing that a blessing (and not agonizing tragedy) was soon on the horizon. Adoption was firmly cemented in our mind, heart and home as the way we would complete our family.
  • Following that, I was at a yard sale and the topic came up (as ladies often revel in small talk to perfect strangers). As fate would have it, the woman was in the process of adopting her second child. Her first experience was so amazing that she affirmed she would endure the 10 years of infertility infinitely over again if it meant that it lead to bringing home the daughter “that was always meant for her”. She spoke of the blessing that the birth mother bestowed on her as the most precious gift in the world. Adoption was reinforced as the most highly-anticipated and best decision we could ever make.

A Mutual Understanding Despite The Differences

Adoption is not easy for either party. I imagined that my husband and I, and the birth parents, have all arrived at the decision after enduring a heart breaking set of circumstances that no one ever thought they would face. While it is very different on each side, each mother’s heart has labored over the decision, playing the scenarios over and over in their heads. My heart ached for the birth mom, as I knew what it felt like to have a baby kick your tummy, but know that he or she would not be coming home with you. I knew what it is like to hold your child in your arms and then have to kiss them goodbye, hoping only that heaven (or a new mommy) would take good care of him/her. I understood the trepidation…despite our differences.

Our Journey Began

And so began our journey to completing our family through adoption. It was no coincidence that life led us to this path. Our circumstances prepared us to know the incredible blessing of what a child truly means. We would never take a baby for granted. The first steps would be applauded with the veracity of winning an Olympic gold metal. A lost tooth would be celebrated with the tenacity of winning the Superbowl. Even teenage rebellion would be looked on with an internal smile from ear to ear – just knowing that were finally, against all odds, blessed with having a child who now thought we were “totally lame”.

We began the long road ahead on November 16,2009 and eagerly awaited the mother who would chose us. I loved her unconditionally already, knowing that I would raise her baby with more love that any human could fathom. We prepared for the story of how the child, who would be sent to us through the selflessness of his or her birth parents, would finally came home.

In Four Days He Said, “Let There Be Life”

Four days pass from our initial adoption seminar where we learned the ins and outs of the somewhat overwhelming process. I went to the bank to start exploring our finance options to come up with the exorbitant legal expenses. Meanwhile, Cam’s boss, who we firmly believe is our living guardian angel, called him to ask a poignant question. She inquired, “have you and Jourdan ever considered adoption? My friend’s daughter is 15 years old and pregnant and is exploring adoption”. Keep in mind that his boss had no idea we were planning to adopt. It had only been 4 days since we went to our first seminar and learned anything about it. But, she had been with us through all of our losses and we came to her mind when she learned the news. After some mass hysteria of disbelief from all of us, we end up getting the girl’s email.

I rushed to my computer and sent her our story in efforts to connect with her. I then start biting all of my fingernails off wondering if and when she would reply. 3:07 pm. There it was; a response from Autumn Fisher, the girl who would forever change our lives. OMG. I could barely breath. I opened her email and saw that she was receptive to me. The email was warm and she empathized with our situation. She also attached a pix of her and her boyfriend (of whom she was still with). They were the most beautiful people in that moment. I stared at the pix for nearly 2 hours.

We ended up exchanging email after email throughout the evening until I almost felt like I was chatting with my little sister. She was smart, funny, driven, beautiful inside and out. I remained in disbelief that it would lead to anything. Cam and I were nearly resolved to believe that we would never have the reality of parenthood.

Our First Meeting With The Birth Mother

On Wednesday, 12/2/09, me and Cam went to Applebee’s to meet with the birth mother and her mom. We arrived first. Our stomach was in knots. Cam was about to yak and I looked down to realize that I was wearing the wrong shoes. Not that it mattered, but I changed 6 times. I wanted to look like the “perfect mom”. What does that look like exactly? I finally decided on something that was representative to who I really am, and not what I thought I should be. It was black pants, a white sweater with hints of silver and fun silver jewelry. My shoes? Well, they were brown with gold buckles. Brown was the last outfit. What the heck? I started obsessing over my shoes until she walked in and I saw her little protruding tummy. I quickly forgot about my shoes and become entrenched in every nuance of this beautiful young girl.

Luckily, all of our previous emails had established a relationship already and it was pretty easy-going. Over the course of 2 hours, we learned that she was much like I was at that age. Super organized. Driven. College bound. Loves pink. In fact, we found out that we both had a pink bedroom and that made her happy. We also learned that her boyfriend and Cam had a lot in common. He’s was into muscle cars and computers. It was item after item of shared commonalities between us. We left there feeling very good. More than good, on cloud 9. We discussed some of the things that were important to her about the arrangement. All of them were more than reasonable. We shared with her that knowing the birth mother would be important for all of us and absolutely in the best interest of the baby. This also made her happy. Her mother was a strong and loving advocate for her daughter and wanted to ensure her daughter could continue with her life goals, but still remain an important part of her child’s life.

Our First Meeting With The Birth Father

One 12/6/09, we went to Denny’s to meet the birth father, his mom, and the birth mother was there as well. This time, we were far more relaxed. The birth father was 18 years old and had been with the birth mother for 2 years. They obviously cared deeply for one another. They were a very cute couple. A Florida native, he showed up looking like a surfer kid with shaggy brown hair, board shorts and flip flops. Very handsome and reminiscent of Cam’s casual demeanor. Both him and his girlfriend had the most piercing blue eyes. The birth father shared his many talents: he can play piano by ear along with the guitar, clarinet and trumpet. He loves computers and wants to be a pilot or computer engineer for airplanes. He’s a pleasure to be around.

Most notable: he loves muscle cars. Knowing this, Cam drove the Shelby. The conversation never dulled. We were there for nearly 3 hours. I’d say 2 of those hours were spent talking about cars. Cam and I bantered back and forth with each other as we normally do and they did as well. We told jokes, looked at pix on each other’s phones, listened to the birth father’s mom tell childhood stories. It was great.

Jay ate 8 pieces of bacon, which I thought was awesome because I absolutely love bacon. Someone brought up sandwiches and both me and the birth dad said we hate sandwiches at the same time. I know it’s a little insignificant thing, but these connectivity points really paved the way for what would become and formidable and comfortable bond.

The birth father’s mom was awesome. She is really a beautiful woman who loves her son and only wanted what was best. She told me all about their family history and I hung on to every word. There’s an opera singer, a pilot, a lawyer and even an adopted sister in the family. Oddly, we found out that I was even born in the same exact hospital as the birth father.

We parted ways and I sent a follow up email thanking them for their time. The birth mother gave us a DVD to watch called, “16 and pregnant”. She wanted us to watch it to know what she was feeling. It would later open our hearts and minds to the amazing joy of open adoption.

The Moment Our Family Began

Fast-forward a few weeks, many emails, and a ton of relationship building. On 12/11/09, the b-mom sent us the most beautiful email I could have ever imagined. Outside of my vows, they were the most touching words I have ever read: “It didn’t talk long to decide, but after talking to my boyfriend, we have decided that you and Cameron are who we want to raise our daughter. We would love for you to adopt her.”

I read her email over and over again. There were no words good enough to describe how thankful we were and how happy our hearts felt. I responded by telling her that Cam and I would spend every day for the rest of our lives protecting, cherishing and loving their daughter. We spent the rest of the pregnancy forging our incredible bond and shared love for our baby girl.

It was hard for me to imagine my life finally free from the burden of infertility and a childless home. It was amazing that something this good, this miraculous, could actually be our story, despite all that we had been through. But, this is our story. In retrospect, it was always our story, and only God could have authored it in this way.

To my daughter, this is your beginning….welcome to the world. You are loved beyond measure.

“I always dream about keeping her, but I have made my decision on adoption. I am very well aware that this will be very hard for me to do, but because I love my daughter, I want her to have the best life possible and I know that is with you and Cam. I feel like it was meant to be for us to find each other at this time in our lives.” – birth mother

“There are no words good enough to tell you how thankful we are and how happy our hearts feel. We will spend every day for the rest of our lives protecting, cherishing and loving your daughter. She will always know that you and and her birth father love her. I hope that you will feel like you are not losing one family member, but gaining three!” – me